All About You FRIDAY – Avoiding Allodoxophobia (a.k.a. How to Have a Conversation)

Two young attractive colleagues sitting in cafetaria and talking about project.

I’m writing you from the comfort of a friend’s vacation home in Douglas, MI, a much needed getaway from the crazy schedule I keep. If you’ve never been here, you should put it on your list. There is something about the small towns on Lake Michigan that shift your psyche into summer mode.

The downtowns that are no bigger than one or two streets. The small shops beckon you in even if you have no intention of buying anything. The ice cream doesn’t have calories. And the white sand beaches and sunsets rival anywhere I’ve visited in Europe, including the south of France.

Yesterday, we wandered into the Santa Fe Trading Co. in downtown Saugatuck. Locally owned and operated since 1989, It is a delightfully curated store with a Southwestern theme. A patient mentioned she can never leave there without spending a lot of money, so I decided to check it out.

They carry a variety of footwear from all over the world. Stylish casual pants, sweaters, t-shirts and dresses. The front part of the store showcases jewelry and other gift items.

Whenever I walk through a store like that I think two things: 1. I need a new wardrobe 2. I need to give someone some money so they can just go to stores like this and pick out things they think would look good on me. 3. It would be nice to look like I shop at more places than REI and the Gap. 4. Why did I not get the “I know how to buy clothes” gene?

That was four things. But that is how my mind works.

“See anything you want?” she asked after a few minutes of browsing. I sheepishly smiled.

“I really want to buy that book,” I replied. She laughed (and I don’t think she was surprised).

Today I Learned (Over 300 Strange-But-True-Facts That You Probably Didn’t Know)

I walked by it several times like most of you would have walked by a cute skirt or blouse that you wanted. Contemplating if it was worth the $10. And that was my fine purchase from the Santa Fe Trading Co. I have a few more days here and may wander in again.

But this purchase is delightful!

Did you know that:

Champagne was once used as a shoe polish
One single teaspoon of honey represents the life work of 12 bees
The first person convicted of speeding was going 8 mph
Alfred Hitchcock didn’t have a belly button
Goats have rectangular pupils in their eyes

I could go on and on. I devoured the book in less than an hour. Worth every penny.

On one of the pages is said this:

Allodoxophobia is the fear of opinions. The word allodoxophobia can be considered a derivative of doxophobia though the two words have contradictory meanings. Where doxophobia stands for the fear of expressing opinions, allodoxophobia is the fear of hearing other’s opinions.

I mentioned last week that I got called into the pastor’s office for a conversation about my “lifestyle”. This was not the first conversation, but rather the third. Now that scene probably conjures up immediate emotions in some of you (because I know it did with me).

Fear. Anger. Frustration. What does it matter who I love?

But each time, I bravely headed in to talk and was met with a gentle spirit of inquiry. He really wanted to know how I decided loving Liz could be in line with my walk with God. And I laid it all out for him (again).

My Bible study. My prayer. My gut. My testimony of my walk with God, which includes way more than just having Liz in my life.

He listened thoughtfully even as he kept asking questions.

“I guess, I just wonder what the purpose of these talks are?” I asked. “Let’s say we keep talking and you convince me that I’ve made the wrong move. What then? My marriage blows up. I get a divorce. I lose the love of my life. What do you get out of it?” I continued,
“You get to say you won? Do you get a trophy? Pump your fists in the air?”

He paused for a few seconds as he looked thoughtfully to the ceiling. “It isn’t about winning,” he said. “It’s about making sure your walk with God is solid.” I thanked him for that.

“Is it impossible to think that God could have brought Liz into my life?” I asked. We shouldn’t put God in a box.

“He does work in mysterious ways,” my pastor replied.

Our discussion ended shortly after that with a thoughtful prayer.

“I learned a lot today,” he said. So did I.

And that is how conversations should be had…without allodoxaphobia. Two people coming together without fear of hearing the other’s opinion. Two people talking with a true spirit of inquiry…minus the judgement.

I would be lying if I said I wasn’t stressed leading up to it and relieved when it was over. I still have to work on my allodoxaphobia. But I’m grateful for people who step out of their comfort zone and have the hard conversations. It’s the only way we learn.

That and buying a great book from the Santa Fe Trading Co.

It’s been a long week. Don’t forget to celebrate. And come watch a sunset on Lake Michigan. I promise it will soothe your soul.

Until next time…