All About You FRIDAY – See It Like Me

“The noblest pleasure is the joy of understanding.”
—Leonardo DaVinci

Have you ever come home (or been home) and actually really answered the question, “How was your day?” If you are anything like me, most of the time the answer is no longer than one or two words. After all, it takes a little bit of warming up for full disclosure. But, if you’ve ever really honestly answered the question, your monologue probably included some frustrating points in your day—things that seem significant and sometimes insurmountable. And it’s the frustrating stuff that gets the attention.

There is nothing like being able to dump things out of your head like that, and when I choose to dump, I do it well—with all the emotion, color, sights, sounds and smells included. My partner is probably thinking, “Get to the point already.” But by that time, I’m not usually so easily deterred. Dinner can wait. I continue my storytelling with verve and gusto until, frankly, sometimes I forget what the point is myself. But when I get it all out, I feel great.

That is, until someone solves my problem or dilemma in one fell swoop.

“Well, all you really need to do is…” End of story.

It’s a weird place to be in, isn’t it? A huge chunk of your day minimized and solved in one sentence. Disturbingly unsatisfying. You might have thought you were looking for an answer to your problems, but when you got it, you realized it wasn’t at all what you really wanted.

I once witnessed an interesting illustration on the art of communication. Two people stood back to back and were asked to share with the other what was before them. The conversation stammered forward as one described a tree and an overcast sky, while the other spoke of a wall and a clock.

Then they were asked to face each other. I get it, I thought. 80% of communication is body language. It is much better to look at someone when you are talking to them, than to be looking away. Yet, as the conversation continued, each person describing to the other what they were staring at, there was still an air of awkwardness. It was at that point, I realized I was wrong.

Then they were asked to look in the same direction. The conversation began to flow. As they stared at a common viewpoint, not only did their words begin to intertwine, but the tension began to fade. Conversation went from what they were observing, to how each was feeling, to topics that had nothing to do with the view before them.

The point was a good one. In daily communication with others, sometimes the best stance to take is to attempt to see it the way the other person sees it. Seek first to understand. We long to communicate what is in our head, not necessarily to procure a solution, but to gain understanding. It is validation that our feelings are real—that we matter.

After all, if every time you voice your feelings, you get a solution, it sends the message that you must need fixing. And if you need fixing, then you must be broken. When it boils down to it, what I really want is to know that it’s okay to be me.

One of the most compelling things about the Christian message is the concept of God coming to earth as a man and living life the way we live it. Feeling the challenges. The sadness. The shame. The joy. All of it. My therapist once said to me, “When things get rough and you don’t know where to turn or what to say, remember that God is sitting beside you—and He sees it like you see it.”

That might have been the best thing I ever heard sitting on that couch. If she was right, then that meant when I was frustrated, He felt it. When I was tired at the end of a 12-hour day, He felt it. When I was confused about the next step that I should take in business, He felt it. He felt it, not because He had to—but because He wanted to. He chose to stand beside me and see it the way I did. He knew that relationships are solidified from a common viewpoint. A place of non-judgment.

I think about some of the great men in the Bible—Enoch, Noah and Abraham—stories of
individuals who chose to journey on the narrow path and follow where God led. The stories aren’t necessarily always filled with wealth and an easy life. In fact, they were often asked to do things that were unconventional and uncomfortable. But it is written of them what I hope one day can be written about me—they walked with God. Beside Him. Looking in the same direction. Talking to Him and being understood.

People often talk to be understood. Resist the temptation to fix them. Instead, sit beside them and look in the same direction. That’s what God does with you.

You just might be enlightened by the view.

It’s been a long week. Don’t forget to celebrate…

Until next time…