All About You FRIDAY – Embrace Movement (Mornings with Bob)

“I need an attitude change,” I wrote to Bob (my mentor) with a deep sadness in my heart. “The band is breaking up.”

For the better part of nine years, I’ve played in a rock band, Drawing Straws, with people who probably would otherwise never have been my friends. Our paths would never have crossed. I might have been a bit too square for the rest of them and we are all so different. But the music school we all belonged to was the glue that bound us together for almost a decade. We are the longest standing band ever to come out of that school.

In the course of nine years, we’ve laughed and fought. We’ve loved the music we’ve played and sometimes we’ve loathed it. We’ve gotten nervous before performances and toasted each other afterwards. We’ve been our worst critics and sometimes each other’s biggest fans. These people aren’t my friends. They are my family.

“I’m leaving the band after our next performance,” one announced. And then a week later, another did the same thing. I felt my world unraveling.

It’s silly to think that because it’s not like I’m a professional rock star. Hardly. But the band is my haven. When I pick up my guitar and hear the clicking of the drumsticks counting out the start of a song, my mind immediately shifts out of work mode and the fatigue of the day disappears. Playing music soothes my soul and playing it with others has been one of the best gifts of my life. The Straws have been one of the best gifts of my life. My anchor in many storms.

“The idea of dismantling something that is working and starting over is very difficult whenever it happens,” Bob replied. “Not that this will help you in this case, but this happened to me a lot in my early career. I would be working with a team, all would be going well and seemed happy and productive. Then, bam! The breakup of the team and starting over. I felt the losses of my mentors, friends, colleagues and others very strongly in the beginning. It disrupted my sense of belonging and joy. It is difficult not to experience loss, grief, and even a sense of betrayal.”

“But over time and repetition of the same thing happening,” he continued. “I began to look at it as part of the normal organizational behavior of humans in a group. We do self-organize and self-disband. And especially in a band or small work group, the stability is highly dependent on where everyone is in their own life and what they see as their needs in a given moment. As I got to mid life and looked back on my experiences, I came to realize that a really good, fulfilling, joyful work experience is an unstable event. At most it would last 5-6 years. Going beyond that involves too many variables both internal and external. The stars do not stay aligned for long, it seems.”

“This is when we have to embrace movement. Especially the movement of the universe in which we live. Not everyone experiences a great work experience or a great and cohesive band experience. And if you do even once, you are very fortunate that you ended up in the right place, in the right time, with the right people and the right opportunity where all that hard work has a chance to prosper and it did. While you are doing it, it does not appear as unstable as it really is.”

“Not that this will help today, but starting over isn’t the worst thing that can happen. This I have learned over and over. As have you,” he reminded me. I don’t know if you need an attitude change or not. Perhaps a moment or two of reflection of all the good and personal growth you have experienced over the past nine years. Of what you have contributed and how you have received. The Straws are a great gift in your life. A central point. The new thing, whatever it is, could be the same but may not be apparent at first.“

“Last thing I’ll say,” he concluded, “remain open to possibilities. Maybe there are ways to leverage this latest experience to the next phase of life. In all change there is always the possibility that the next thing is better than the last thing. Which doesn’t in any way diminish the great things you had and the sense of loss you feel with the band changing. Honor the Straws. Always.”

Everybody needs a Bob. I felt my heart let go. He’s right. Change is never easy and embracing change is even harder. But in change, there is always the possibility that the next thing is better than the last. And if you’ve been a part of something really great, even if it ends, especially when it ends…honor it always.

If you’re going through a major change, a loss or a shift in your world, don’t despair. Instead, embrace it. Eyes and heart wide open. You won’t regret it.

It’s been a long week. Don’t forget to celebrate. And honor your past. Always.

Until next time…