All About You FRIDAY – Finding Your People

“I’m sorry, I’m just frustrated today,” he said to me as he jumped up onto the treatment table. Being a teenager is hard, but being on the autism spectrum makes things even more challenging. “The thing is,” he added, “my mom wants me to do more things with other kids, but I just wish I could do the things I like to do,” The problem was he wasn’t even sure of what those things were.

“Have you ever been to Comicon?” I asked having observed the anime’ t-shirts he wore to his sessions. One time I inquired about a character on his shirt and he said, “I can’t believe you don’t know who this is!” Clearly, I am a bit out of the loop.

I don’t play video games nor am I into anime’, but I’ve been to Comicon.

August 2018. I was mentoring a young woman who had dreamed of going. That’s an easy dream to make come true, I thought, so I bought two tickets. I’m not sure what I expected, but the second we stepped into the doors of Cobo Hall, I was transformed to a different world.

People dressed in elaborate costumes were acting the part of their favorite characters. Two spidermen jumped in front of me and struck a pose. They didn’t say a word. They just landed like two superheroes about to save the world. I admired their flexibility.

Vendors sold swords, helmets and little Lego people. It was a land of fantasy with artwork, comic books and toys of every character that has ever graced a video game or tv screen. I only knew the obvious ones.

But what was most heartwarming were the groups of people gathering with excitement. In the real world, these people would be the outliers. The nerds. The geeks. The introverts. (I use those terms lovingly because I fall into those categories). Many of whom, I’m sure, are also on the autism spectrum. They didn’t look awkward here. They looked like they belonged. Inside the walls of Comicon, they were the cool kids. They had found their people.

I know the feeling. I grew up socially awkward. I was painfully shy as a child and as I grew up, I was cool to the cool kids mostly because I was smart and kind. You can gain popularity points by doing someone’s chemistry homework. But I had acne, coke bottle glasses, a mouth full of metal braces, a wild head of hair that I ultimately tamed by having it cut into a mullet and a curiosity about things that most people wouldn’t care to talk about. And I never knew what to wear. If I had to find an outfit for a banquet or important occasion, I would just buy what I saw on the mannequins in the store because I figured that outfit worked or they wouldn’t advertise it.

I always admired my friends who just seemed to have the right outfits and know what to say. I probably tortured myself a little too much rehearsing situations in a mirror. People wouldn’t believe it now because my job and my life have, over the years, transformed the exterior. I am capable of learning and I have learned how to navigate this world. I still wish someone would invent the adult version of Garanimals. It would make getting dressed up for date night way easier.

But there have been times when I’ve stepped into a room and my insides immediately relaxed. The first time I went to MacWorld. Playing in a band at the Detroit School of Rock and Pop. Hanging with the bike mechanics at FB4K. Inside those walls, I AM one of the cool kids. Those are my people.

“I think I’m on the spectrum,” one of the mechanics recently said. He was referring to his fascination and obsession with mechanical things.

“Welcome!” Art, the lead mechanic at FB4K replied. “I think we’re all on the spectrum here! You are amongst family.”

I dream of a world where the socially awkward realize they have a super power. Where the outliers are the cool kids. Or maybe where everyone just feels cool because it is the cool thing to be who you are. Where you are embraced for your differences, not despite them.

As for my former patient, I gifted him two tickets to Comicon. I hear he has been going back and forth about his costume for weeks and he finally decided on one. He is pumped. He’ll be going tomorrow with his dad, who I encouraged to dress up like Thor because he is tall and has long hair.

“You’ll find your people there,” I had told him. I can’t wait to hear the stories.

It is cool to be who you are, even if the world doesn’t know it yet. And if you were fortunate enough to be born cool, then go seek out someone who is nothing like you. Create a safe place and watch with fascination as their super power unfolds. You just might learn about some new technology, hear a great new song or get your bike fixed. You might even meet a superhero.

It’s been a long week. Don’t forget to celebrate.

Until next time…