All About You FRIDAY – A Tale of Three Dates

I took a day off in the middle of the week to head to TEDxDetroit, an annual gathering of the city’s leading thinkers, designers, entrepreneurs, educators, scientists, and artists. I thought I was going to write about that today, but something happened on the way to TEDx.

We headed into the city early and made a stop at The Congregation, a community gathering space and coffee shop/cafe’ located in the heart of the Boston Edison District. Built in 2020 by four neighbors, The Congregation has become a place where people can gather, study, write and commune. There is something magical about sitting in old church pews with a view of the pipe organ.

Armed with my journal and my favorite person, we ordered up some delicious treats and hot drinks and took a seat at a small round table that offered a chair and pew seating. To my left were two additional tables sharing the same pew. Before too long, two women took the table at the far end.

“I think their on a date,” my date said.

“I think its a job interview,” I replied. They were making eye contact and it was obvious they were fully invested in the conversation. Questions were being asked and answers swapped back and forth.

Shortly, thereafter, my eavesdropping was interrupted by another couple who took the table in the middle. They appeared to be in their mid-20’s and looked to be a perfect match. They dressed the same, like sporty nerds. I don’t even know if that is a genre of fashion, but they had wide leg jeans and hoodies and he had black nail polish.

The second they sat down, he excitedly started talking about his cat, Clarence, interjecting words like “bro” and “I mean” intermittently into the conversation. I didn’t know so much could be spoken of a cat, but his enthusiasm was palpable. Mostly to him.

I couldn’t see her facial expression because turning to look at her would have been way too obvious, but I could feel her pain. I’ve been there before.

If he doesn’t take a breath and let her talk, he is going to crash and burn, I texted my date. We just smiled at each other.

The art of conversation may be a dying art. Like any creative pursuit, it needs to be nurtured. You aren’t just born knowing how to have a conversation and yet, it is vital to a healthy life.

“I always told my kids that people like to talk about themselves and you need to learn to ask questions about them,” a patient told me yesterday as I relayed my story. She said she used to ask them how school was the second they got home. They would tell their story and as they were preparing to run off, she would prompt them to say, “And how was your day, Mom?”

It’s a lesson worth learning. Don’t always be the beneficiary of the inquiry. Give and take. Talk and listen. Live and learn.

Shortly after I finished my tea, the guy next to us said, “Well, I think we should go!” I don’t think I heard her utter more than five words. As they stood up, I noticed the two women at the far end were still engaged in a conversation. Eyes bright. Expressions of interest on their faces. It clearly was a date.

I always root for love, but I think one of those couples stands a better chance than the other of standing the test of time. Conversation is a two-way street that is the glue of a relationship. If I had to place a bet, I think Clarence is going to get a lot more time with his daddy.

We weren’t designed to be figured out in a date, a day, a year or 30 years. We are evolving creatures with depth waiting to be uncovered. No man is an island. And no conversation should feel like one.

“Tell me about your day.” “What’s on your mind?” “What did you think of that?”

Maybe just start there. Lock eyes and listen and soon your hearts will be intertwined. Give and take. Talk and listen. Live and learn.

It’s been a long week. Don’t forget to celebrate.

Until next time…