All About You FRIDAY – Lay Down the Sword (Mornings with Bob)

Athlete with wrapped fists in fighting stance

I’m a lover, not a fighter. I grew up the second of four kids and the natural peace maker. If one of my siblings started an argument with another, I would step in. I was all about love and harmony. Joy and laughter.

Then in my college years, I became a competitive tae kwon do fighter. Why? I was walking through the gymnasium one day and saw a bunch of people in white uniforms stretching and kicking. At the time, I was so tight I couldn’t touch my toes, so I signed up. I was drawn in by the discipline required. The structure. The strategy of the fight. Next thing I knew, I was in a ring with gloves on, staring down opponents who were much taller than me.

The thing about tae kwon do point fighting is that there is a foreseeable beginning and end. Unlike boxing, they stop the fight after each direct hit to score the point. I was scrappy because I had to be. I was decisive and strategic. I didn’t like getting hit, but even when I was losing the fight, I knew it would eventually end. I retired my gloves in my mid-20’s after getting pregnant with my son.

But the fighting didn’t stop there. The older I got, the more I had to fight. It is built into the American dream. Fight for success. Fight for the rights of others. Fight for opportunities. Look strong. Be strong. Don’t give up. My days started ending with me collapsing on the bed and staring at the ceiling.

“I do know what coming home feeling defeated feels like,” he said. “When everything in a day runs the other way, away from you and not toward you. It’s one of those times to consider turning down the heat.”

He was right. The down side to using the sports metaphor for life in all ways is that everything comes to be seen as me against everyone or us against them. Someone always wins and someone always loses. While there are good things to learn from teamwork and personal contribution or even personal excellence, it reduces all of life to an endless series of competitions. And if you’ve been on the losing end a lot, it can make life feel unbalanced.

“The only escape from the endless competition and to find a bit of peace and a place where the noise is less, is simply not to engage when you choose,” he said. “

the choice to compete or not to compete is in your hands in each circumstance. What do you want and what are you willing to do? Often the outcome is not in your hands.”

“It’s not because you aren’t trying hard enough,” he added. This is the point so many miss and as a result, they don’t get a moment of peace. Then when loss happens, resentment happens. Largely from false expectation.

“You can choose when to lay down your sword,” he said.

That was some of the best advice I’d ever received. In times when life felt out of control, I always had control of one thing: I could choose to lay down my sword.

It reminds me of the words of a song I’ve held near to my heart. If you have a few minutes, take a listen:

Lately I’ve been winning battles left and right
But even winners can get wounded in the fight
People say that I’m amazing
I’m strong beyond my years
But they don’t see inside of me
I’m hiding all the tears

They don’t know that I come running home when I fall down
They don’t know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while
‘Cause deep inside this armor
The warrior is a child

You can’t control everything. But you can choose when to step out of the fight.

It’s been a long week. Time to lay down the sword. And don’t forget to celebrate.

Until next time…