All About You FRIDAY – Seeing the Invisible

My next door neighbor’s name was Barney. I met him in 1996 when we moved into the bungalow next to him, a hodge-podge family with a toddler. I was 29 years old. Never really had a conversation with him. He’d head off to work. “Hi, Barney!” I would say as he walked down his driveway with his briefcase in his hand. He would wave. He would return at the end of the workday and if I happened to be in the yard, we would exchange the same greeting.

He kept to himself. A quiet, reserved man with gray hair, he looked like he could have been an accountant. I never found out. I remember the day he retired. He mentioned it non-chalantly and I congratulated him. No fanfare. No celebration.

I saw Barney last about a month ago. He was feebly walking up the driveway, a cane in his right hand. His beard was white and long. His steps short and shaky. I just happened to be out working in the yard when I looked up and saw him lift a hand to wave.

“Hey, Barney! It’s good to see you out and about. How are you?” Silently, I thought, how did he get so old?! But 28 years had gone by.

“Not so good,” he said. I’m not sure I remember ever hearing his voice. He paused, either to look at me or to catch his breath.

I smiled weakly and said, “Hang in there,” kicking myself for not knowing what else to say. And that was our last conversation.

Two weeks ago, our Ring camera picked up activity going on next door. A lot of police and a body being carried away. Barney had died in his sleep. He was almost 96 years old. “He was otherwise healthy,” they said. “They” being the neighborhood gossip mill.

The Invisible Years

I started watching the Golden Bachelorette, a reality show where a woman in her 60’s has the daunting task of dating 25 senior men in hopes of falling in love with one. The most compelling thing for me was how many times I heard the men say, “This has been the best experience of my life,” as they bonded with each other over conversations and outings. I could visibly see them getting healthier as they spent more time in the house. “I no longer feel invisible,” several of them said.

I looked it up. There is actually a time, for women it is in their late 50’s and for men in their early 60’s, when society stops “seeing” you as a relevant person. The invisible years. People start asking you out less. Your opinions don’t matter as much. You get passed by on the sidewalk without even a glance.

I was shocked to hear the men describe it on the Golden Bachelorette, but then again, my neighbor of 29 years probably felt pretty invisible to me.

It was a wake up call for me. There are people in my life who sit in the age bracket of the invisible. I bet you know some in your life too.

Ask them a question. Stop and have a conversation. Bring them flowers. Send them a card. Share a meal.

They matter and they should know it.

As long as people are taking breaths, I think they should be seen. Learning more about someone after they’ve gone feels like a wasted education.

So that’s your challenge this week. See the invisible. It will make this world a better place.

It’s been a long week. Don’t forget to celebrate.

Until next time…