All About You FRIDAY – Secret Anniversaries

“The holiest of all holidays are those

Kept by ourselves in silence and apart;

The secret anniversaries of the heart”

-Henry Wadsworth

It was a busy day, as most days in the clinic are for me. Moving from one patient to another with a flow that is often uninterrupted.

“Did you know that five years ago today she lost her husband?” a patient mentioned to me as she nodded across the room at a woman when I asked her how she was doing. I looked at the woman across the room, someone I have come to admire and respect, who also moves all day long efficiently carrying out tasks. My heart shifted.

“I miss my dog so much,” my patient added with tears in her eyes, mourning the recent loss of her dog of 14 years. “Curly was the only family I had,” she added.

In that moment, I was reminded of the depth of the human spirit. We move about our days, because we have to. The world doesn’t stop for our grief. And years after the loss of a loved one, the secret anniversaries of the heart serve a purpose.

March 16, 2019. 7:59 a.m. I was standing in front of 20 people in my clinic getting ready to deliver a seminar on the shoulder. My phone buzzed and I looked down. “Mom is gone.” A text from my brother delivered some of the worst news of my life. My mother had been ailing and two days prior I had rushed across the state to lie next to her and hold her. She had been bed ridden for the better part of 4 years. She was no longer opening her eyes or speaking. I emptied my heart out to her. Thanked her for everything she had done for me. “I’ll be back in a couple of days,” I said as I kissed her cheek for what would be the last time.

I put my phone down and delivered that 8-hour seminar because I had to. I was shocked that I could. My mother would have been proud. But each year as that day comes around, I think about my mom. I think about her a lot actually.

“Do you have a boyfriend?” I remember her asking every time I would visit.

“No, mom. Not right now.”

“What happened to the last boy?” she would ask.

“He wasn’t that smart.” I replied once.

“Oh, shucks” she said and we shared a good laugh.

I smile thinking she would have loved my wedding last year.

As I looked across the room at the woman who has become my friend, I wondered what was running through her mind. I treated my patient and then ran over and gave her a hug. There was no time for a meaningful conversation and I didn’t know what to say, but I wanted her to know I understood.

The secret anniversaries of our heart. The holiest of all holidays. The moments held in silent reverence for the people and the memories that shaped our lives. We all have them and yet we so easily forget that others around us have them too.

Time heals all wounds. My life is a testament to that. It is easy to want to forget the painful days, to bury them with distraction. As the years pass, our hearts open to the reminders of blessings. The stories that make us smile. The times that remind us of why we love in the first place.

For all of you celebrating your holiest of holidays, it is my prayer that your heart is filled with memories that swallow the grief. With gratitude that overflows. And with an understanding that you are not alone.

It’s been a long week. Don’t forget to celebrate.

Until next time…