All About You FRIDAY – The Party is on the Stage

“Why do you play music?” our band director asked us as we prepared to review a tape of our most recent performance. To master an instrument. Human connection. To entertain. Bring a smile to someone’s face. Those were some of the answers given by my bandmates. His question left me thinking about the journey that had brought me to the Detroit School of Rock and Pop.

It started when I was 12 years old, only I didn’t know it back then. I was asked to play the harp for a church wedding. I was a multi-instrumentalist by that age, playing 11 different instruments because that is what happens when you are born into an Asian family with musical parents. My mother was an accomplished pianist and my father had a beautiful tenor voice. All I had to do was see an instrument and say, “Ooh, that looks like a cool instrument” and the next thing I knew I was given said instrument with lessons scheduled. Saying a soccer ball was cool didn’t have the same effect. You get the picture.

Back to the wedding. I was asked to play Jesu Joy of Man’s Desiring while the couple lit their unity candle. The church was quiet. I was the only one on the platform. Me and my harp. As I started to play, the notes of that very familiar tune carried throughout the sanctuary. It was beautiful and the performance was going just as planned until I realized I had to make a pedal change. On the harp there are seven pedals to manage, one for each note on scale. If you push the C pedal down, for instance, all the C’s on the harp go sharp. If you move it up, all the C’s go flat.

The pedal change wasn’t the surprise. I knew it was coming. But I realized I had practiced for hours making that change with my bare feet. And with my dress shoes on, the feel wasn’t quite the same. An adult probably would have just kicked their shoes off, but remember, I was 12. Suffice it to say, I hit the wrong pedal and it threw the entire song into the most horrific key. In a panic, I tried to recover without missing a beat, hitting other wrong pedals. Jesu Joy of Man’s Desiring all of a sudden sounded way less than desirable.

Eventually, I put the harp down, reset the pedals and continued. I made it to the end of the piece, the couple lit their candle and nobody thought anything of it. Except me.

I ran off the platform and into the closest bathroom. Put my back up against the door and sobbed. My mother tried to console me outside the door. “Nobody even noticed,” she said, “You did a fine job.” I didn’t believe her. I never played the harp again.

And that set in motion the worst performance anxiety that would last for years. I couldn’t play the piano or any solo instrument with anyone in the room. If I was playing a tune and someone walked in, even someone I knew and loved, my hands would begin to shake, my mind would turn to mush and I wouldn’t be able to continue.

I played music after that in bands, brass ensembles and orchestras. But I was often hidden in the back, choosing the trombone as my main instrument. Decades later, I joined the Detroit School of Rock and Pop to see if I could shake this thing. I also took a part-time job as a sound assistant for a local acoustic music venue to surround myself with successful gigging musicians.

“The party is on the stage,” I heard a drummer say to his bandmates as I was setting up the mics. “Remember, if we are having fun up here, they will have a great time out there. The party starts up here.”

And he was right. I’ve witnessed the phenomena countless times since.

If the musicians are having a good time, the crowd is too. Not every note is perfect. The singing could even be a little off-key. But if the goal is on bringing joy versus gaining fame, the performance becomes a circle of giving and receiving. The goal isn’t to play every note perfect. The goal is to share the gift they have been given.

Did you catch that? The goal isn’t perfection. It’s in the giving. Perfection means all eyes are on you. Giving means your eyes are on others.

I think that lesson extends beyond the musical stage. In life, we have opportunities to perform every day, in our jobs and with the ones we love. Ask yourself. Why do you do what you do? Why do you love the people you love? There is joy built into that answer. If you feel that joy, others will feel it too.

It’s been a long week. Don’t forget to celebrate and remember…the party is on the stage.

Until next time…