All About You FRIDAY – Porch Swing Conversations

“I need a porch swing talk,” he said to his wife. A a couple of weeks ago, he had a cardiac episode that landed him in the hospital for five days. Lifestyle changes were needed and he knew it. Changes that felt difficult and scary. Changes that he had resisted for years.

“He’s such a good man,” his wife said to me in recounting the story. “And I worry about him all the time, but when he asked for a porch swing talk, I knew he was ready to make a change.”

Earlier in their marriage, she asked him to install two swings facing each other on their front porch. It became a place of quiet contemplation and relaxation for her and a place for difficult conversations and reconciliation for them. Maybe it is one of the best kept secrets of their 50+ year marriage.

“Out on the porch, there are no distractions,” she said. “I’m not looking around the house to see what needs to be done. The phone isn’t ringing. It’s just the two of us taking the time to say what needs to be said and hear what needs to be heard.” There’s something to be said about sitting on a swing.

The rhythmic motion of swinging has been shown to promote relaxation, relieve stress, release endorphins and regulate emotions. It can enhance focus and attention and improves sensory integration in the brain. All ingredients for a meaningful conversation.

I think they are on to something.

Hard conversations weave into the tapestry of every good relationship. It took me years and some life altering events to be brave enough to have the hard talks. I used to think myself an optimist and when difficult times arose, I would walk away to seek the silver lining and come back happy and ready to re-engage. In effect, I was having a one-sided conversation to resolve the issue in my head.

That only works if your are living in an isolated world. Otherwise, its a temporary solution. If you’ve ever tried it, you know what I mean. “You never get to skip lessons in life,” Bob (my mentor) said to me once. “You might avoid them now, but they will always come back around.” Things collect under the surface until they can be buried no longer.

In retrospect, it is way easier to have the hard conversations.

If I had a porch, I would install a swing right now. If you have one, you should make sure you use it. And if you’re like me, maybe the next time a hard conversation needs to be had, take a walk with your loved one to the nearest playground.

I promise you won’t regret it. And after the talk happens, you’ll probably find yourself burning come calories as you swing away. Hard conversations aren’t impossible, but frowning on a swing probably is.

It’s been a long week. Protect the important relationships in your life. Have the hard conversations. And then don’t forget to celebrate.

Until next time…